Birth and baptism

The first and the most important event in human’s life is his own birth. All over the world, birth took a special significance, so people protected the custom in which the family and the entire community take part. There are many traditions that have been lost over time, but there are still traditions and customs that are kept scrupulously.

In Romania, homes without children are considered to be empty. Children were considered to be the spiritual wealth of the family, and social fulfilment of family, newlyweds reached the status of people at their place, only after they become parents.

The pregnant woman and her baby have as protector the Virgin Mary. The person who performed the ritual of birth and baptize was the midwife. Since the midwife was called to help, her word was law for the pregnant woman and her family.

Traditionally pregnant women were stopped from hard work and were advised to wear comfortable clothing and shoes, do not drink alcohol, do not get surprised too much to not give birth to a fearful baby, not to steal flowers or other things because it will remain etched on child's body, to not hit dogs and cats with legs to not give birth to a hairy child.

There were prohibitions in terms of food, being recommended not to eat goat and chicken meat to not give birth to child with "goose bumps", to not eat fish from Ignat (20th December) until Christmas to not give birth to a dead child, to be given food to which the pregnant woman wish in order to not abort, and the first fruit of a tree to be given to a pregnant woman for that tree to be fruitful.

To have an easy labour, the pregnant woman should not stay in one place, and work to give birth to a child hardworking. Earlier, parents prepare everything the baby needed: clothes, bathing trough, cradle etc.

Until recently, at birth women were assisted by midwives, women skilled in the ordinances of birth. The midwife was sometimes regarded as part of family. Midwives were rewarded with household products like meat, eggs, milk and dairy products, etc. and very rarely with money.

When women enter in the labour the midwife was called. All family members were waiting in another room or outside and praying for an easy birth.

The midwife was the one who gave first aid to the child: she cut the umbilical cord and made the first bath to child.

Traditionally, in the first water bath for new born it was placed:

• Basil: to be attractive, especially if it is a girl
• Milk: to have white and soft skin
• Wheat: to be honest
• Dill: to be liked like dill in cookery
• Peppermint and chamomile: to grow easily and be healthy
• Poppy knobs: to sleep well
• Hemp seeds: to grow quickly
• Feathers: to be lightweight as them
• Rose petals: to have the beauty of the rose
• Holy water: to be clean and to be protected
• Eggs: to be healthy and fully like the egg, which must remain whole, the mother will put it in the water bath in the next day
• Silver coins: to have a life full of abundance.

After the bath, the midwife takes out the money from the trough, and she goes to throw the water at the roots of an apple or a pear that the new born grows beautiful and healthy as that tree.

There is the tradition that parents tie a red string or ribbon to the new born, in order to be protected against the evil eye.

After birth, woman is considered to be in the confinement period for six to eight weeks, when priest will make a purging prayer in the church. By then she is not allowed to go to church or to work.

Any person who enters the house has to leave money or gifts for the baby’s sleep.

The Christian baptism is particularly important for Romanian people, an act without which human existence is inconceivable.

The Christian name of the child is determined before birth according to church’s saints. If the child got sick, parents used to change his or her name, custom which was lost in time.

In the Orthodox Church, baptism is celebrated at 40 days from childbirth. Godparents are those who guarantee child’s faith. After baptism the child is entrusted by them to the parents. The godparents are considered spiritual parents of the child.

During the baptism service, the baby is submerged in the font with water. In this respect, it is recalled Christ's baptism in Jordan. Water is one of the ways of purification along with fire and earth.

The last act of the baptism consists in offering lighted candle to godfather by the priest who is saying: "Receive the lit candle and keep your baptism righteousness: Respect the commandments of God, that when Lord would come to the wedding, to be able to run to welcome Him, together with all the saints in the heavenly banquet and live forever."

This act is explained by the words of St. Paul: “For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light” (Eph. V, 8). Baptism ends with the wish of blessing: "Go in peace and Lord shall be with you."

After the baptism a feast takes place in honour of this event, to which are invited the godparents, relatives, neighbours and friends.

The customs related to birth end with the cutting of hair strands and breaking the bread over the child's head. The custom takes place one year after childbirth. On this day, the child will choose one of the objects placed on a tray that will show the future profession.

The family is the base of society. Today, in Poland a patriarchal model still functions. Fathers decide about the fate of family, they’re the most important persons and guiding lights, and their opinion should be respected. Birth of a child hasn’t changed over the years. It was always and still will be an important event.

People come and congratulate new parents. Relatives and friends visit a new family. Many years ago visits often turned into a loud feast, especially if the boy came into the world. Nowadays it’s the same - after birth of the child, the new father celebrates this important moment with his colleagues and friends.

Just after birth, parents often clasp to pram or bassinet a red bow to avoid putting the hex on baby. When it comes to choosing a name, many years ago people headed towards the names which appeared in the calendar on the day of birth - it concerned the lower ranks in society.

Little-known names were omitted; parents chose the name of patron whose celebration in calendar was the closest to child’s birth. Sometimes a priest gave the name to the child - even against to parents’ choice.

Gentry rather followed the family tradition, so the son often inherited the name of his father or grandfather.

Nowadays people don’t pay attention to family traditions. However they give to their children names popular many years ago. In 2013 the most popular names for girls were: Lena, Julia, Zuzanna, Maja, Amelia, Oliwia, Zofia, Antonina.

When it comes to the names of boys, the most popular were: Jakub, Kacper, Szymon, Filip, Jan, Stanisław.

An important part connected with the birth is a baptism because of the fact that Poles are a Catholic nation.

Generally baptism is done until child’s first birthday. In the church there is a special mass, during which the child receives the name. Baptism frees man from original sin, being a condition to receive the rest of sacraments in future.

During baptism godparents are present. They are usually members of the family or friends. In the past people thought that the child inherits the characteristics from godparents, so they chose them carefully and also people cared about godparents’ wealth and their social rank.

There are not so many traditions and customs connected with birth, but there are many superstitions connected with pregnancy.

To believe in them or not, everybody should decide. I present a few of them below:

• If a pregnant woman got scared and touched some part of the body such as face, head, hand, the baby will have birthmark in this part.
• You should not refuse the demands of the pregnant woman because you can be eaten by mice.
• If a woman studies during pregnancy, the child will be wise.
• Hair dyeing during pregnancy is prohibited because the child will have red hair.
• It is forbidden to walk under a ladder or ropes because the baby will have umbilical cord around the neck. For the same reason pregnant shouldn’t wear necklace or pendant.
• Don’t look through the peephole in the door because the child will have a cross-eye.
• If pregnant suffers from heartburn, it means that on child’s head appears hair.
• A pregnant shouldn’t share food because after birth she may not have enough milk.
• If a woman has nausea in the evening she will have a boy, if it’s in the morning, she will have a girl.
• If the belly is higher pregnant woman will have a boy, if it’s lower, she will have a girl.
• If on the face of pregnant woman appeared freckles, she will have a girl.
• If a pregnant woman gains beauty, she will have a boy. The girl takes the beauty of her mother.
• The appetite for sweet food bodes birth of a girl, and the appetite for sour and spicy bodes a boy.
• The touch pregnant woman's belly brings good luck.

The wedding

Wedding is one of the rites of passage during people's lives. This ritual is meant to formalize the couple's relationship by starting a family based on love and understanding.

In Romania there was until recently some customs before wedding. One was the wooing, which consists in the discussion held by the girl's parents with the boy who decided to marry her. Often, the boy was accompanied by his parents in this discussion. After this discussion, which set certain parameters for the wedding such as date and other details, it was held a party or a feast of the two who decided to unite their souls.

Not long ago, in Romania, before every wedding, parents established the dowry for the girl and for the boy. The dowry revealed the social status of the family.

Content of dowry was different from case to case. The dowry of girls usually consisted of animals (cow, sheep, pig, poultry, etc.), several parcels of land, money, bags with grain and fabrics. The boy had to have the house, lands, cattle wagon, animals and money.

Decades ago weddings were done only on Sundays and often taking place two or three days. Nowadays weddings take place on Saturdays.

In the evening before wedding, young friends of bride and groom adorn six fir trees with paper garlands, bells and tricolour ribbons. They go to the bride, groom and godparents houses, where they will leave two fir trees at the gate or door of the house. Young people celebrate in each of these houses, announcing in this way the wedding that will take place. Fir trees remain in front of houses until they will droop. Fir tree is the symbol of youthfulness and vigour, and adorning it symbolizes abundant life of the future family.

At any wedding, the most important people are newlyweds. They choose their godparents, spiritual parents who will support the new family by including them in the community and will help them when they will need. Groom’s parents have an important role in the proper course of wedding.

The groom’s shaving is a custom that takes place in parallel with the bride dressing. A close friend of the groom symbolically shaves him. Sitting on a chair, with money under his foot, the groom should not let the musician to take his money. This custom is the symbol of the boy who is prepared for the wedding.

Dressing the bride is another custom in which the godmother with her mother and close friends of the bride, help the bride to get dressed and at the end, only godmother binds her veil and tiara. It takes place simultaneously with the shaving the groom and symbolizes preparation of the girl for the wedding. In the past in this ritual could assist bride’s relatives and friends.

After dressing the bride, the bride and people present in bride’s house will dance the bride’s round dance. With this occasion, bride’s mother shares little gifts to godparents, to groom’s parents and sometimes to close relatives.

Godmother order and pays for a knot-shaped bread adorned with various ornaments, edible or not, different braids and other forms. Symbolically, the knot-shaped bread is broken over the bride's head and is given to eat to the guests. It is said that it will bring luck to those who eat from it. The custom is preserved from ancient Rome.

Then wedding guests will go to the Civil Status Office where the bride and groom will sign the papers after which they will become husband and wife. After signing the papers they will go to the church for the wedding mass.

In the Orthodox Church the marriage ceremony begins with singing of Psalm 127: “Blessed are all they who fear the Lord, who walk on His ways. Thou shalt eat the fruit of thy labours; blessed art thou, and well shall it be with thee. Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine on the sides of thy house, Thy sons like young olive trees round about thy table. Behold, so shall the man be blessed who fears of Lord. May the Lord send you blessing out of Zion: may you see the good of Jerusalem all the days of your life. May you see your children's children; peace be upon Israel.”

The marriage ceremony is the church service in which man and woman are crowned with glory and honour; they’re elevated to the ranks of king and queen of all creatures and becoming two perfect human beings. Referring to the bride and groom, the priest asks God: "Unite them in a single thought, crown them in a single body, and give them the fruit of the womb to acquire good children."

The priest raises the crowns and he is crossing with them the bride and groom who had chosen to unite their souls in love. Touching with each crown the forehead of each one and reminding of both when he places the crowns on groom’s head and bride’s head. Priest emphasizes that on their heads bride and groom is placed a crown that is also of the other one, each is wearing the crown because they are united with each other. The crown and glory of each stays in the love between them.

The crown symbolizes the glory and honour. In this way, the couple is glorified by God and other people. Crown consists of fidelity and love between them, in the sacrifice of each for the other one, and in assuming the responsibilities required for family life.

After crowning the couple priest says to the groom:

"Honoured to be, groom, as Abraham, blessed like Isaac, to reproduce as Jacob, walking in peace and working in righteousness to the commandments of God". First example given to man is Abraham, the one who had strong belief in God, the father who would not spare even his only son. The praise of men is like of those great souls, faithful and God fearing.

While to the bride priest says: "And you, bride, honoured to be like Sarah, to be cheerful like Rebekah, to reproduce like Rachel, being cheerful with your husband and keeping the ordinances of the Law, as God deigned."

The ceremony ends with declaring of the couple as husband and wife.

After the ceremony the wedding guests will celebrate in a restaurant until the next morning. The party is one full of joy and good cheer.

Specific to Romanians is the custom called "stealing the bride". It is assumed that the groom should have eyes only for his bride, but some pranksters will benefit of the lack of groom’s attention and they will steal the bride from wedding. The groom is obliged to seek her or to redeem her. In some areas, the kidnappers have the duty to not let the bride stand on her feet; they should take her only in the arms. Often the groom must perform certain tasks for the amusement of the guests.

Another custom is the throwing of the bouquet. In this sense, the bride turns with back to the group of young unmarried girls and throws the bouquet. It’s said that the girl who catches will marry first.

Wedding continues the next day when wedding guests are invited for giblets soup.

Marriage and wedding are connected with many traditions and superstitions.

Nowadays in Poland preparations for church wedding and party begin earlier, even two years before ceremony. Everything must be planned carefully.

Wedding ceremonies are different in each region of Poland. Each future spouse prepares for this important day in his or her home. Then the groom goes with his immediate family to the bride's house.

Before going to church, the immediate family, maid of honour and best man meet in the house of bride. Parents bless the bride and groom and put money into their shoes – to not run out of money on the new way of life.

In some regions of Poland, the way to the church can be blocked by “gates”. Neighbours, colleagues or friends of bride and groom block their way. The car with couple can drive away when the groom gives them alcohol.

Many years ago the groom entered first to the church with his mother and best man. The bride entered with her father. Nowadays, young people enter together with maid of honour and best man.

Women must stay on the right side of man. Young couple usually waits for a priest under the choir. In the church, they take a marriage vow and exchange wedding rings.

When newlyweds leave the church, their guests usually sprinkle rice or coins - which symbolize prosperity in marriage. Who (bride or groom) will collect more coins will rule at home.

After mass, the wedding guests wish them all the best, hand flowers and small gifts. The order of wishes is important. Firstly bride and groom exchange wishes, then best man and maid of honour, parents, grandparents, relatives and friends. Just married drive away first, later all guests.

After arrival to the restaurant, the bride and groom are greeted by their parents - according to the old Polish custom - with bread and salt. Mother of the bride asks, "What do you choose: bread, salt or groom?" And bride should answer: "Bread, salt and groom to work for it".

Young people have also to drink a glass of vodka (or water) and throw glasses behind, glasses should get broken. Then the groom carries bride over the threshold and they enter together into the wedding hall.

The party begins with the first toast of health and happiness for the bride and groom. Guests take their seats around tables, nowadays place card are very popular. Maid of honour sits next to the bride and best man – next to groom.

The party starts from dinner and followed by the first dance of bride and groom. After it other guests join. Dances interchange with meals, various toasts, songs and competitions organized by the band. Before midnight guests steal shoes of bride and groom.

In Polish traditions it’s a part "Oczepiny" - during which the couple sits in the middle of the hall. It’s with accompaniment of cheerful songs. The groom also has to buyback his shoes and shoes of bride. In exchange for shoes, guests receive gifts (usually alcohol), but they also must do something - for example dance, sing, etc.

 Around the bride, in the circle there are all single girls. She closes her eyes and throws a veil behind - a girl who catches it soon will get married. The situation is similar with groom - he throws his tie. The bachelor, who catches soon, will get married. In this way, during wedding appears "new couple", which has also first dance.

After "Oczepiny” guests hand gifts to the bride and groom. Later wedding cake appears in the hall. Just married slice it together, they eat and then serve to their parents and other guests.

Then the bride and groom thank their parents, for all their efforts which parents put into their upbringing, and for all help and love. Parents usually get gifts and flowers from their children and they dance with them.

The rest of the wedding is connected with dances and having fun. On wedding often appears so-called "farmhouse table", which include pickles, lard, sausage, home-brewed alcohol and farmhouse bread.

The bride and groom say goodbye to all the guests and invite them for the second day - "Poprawiny" (afters).

In Poland, the weddings usually take place on Saturday, while "Poprawiny" on Sunday. With preparations for the wedding and ceremonies are connected some superstitions, here I present some of them.

• The month of marriage should contain the letter "R" in its name.
• The dress of bride should include: something new, old, white, blue, and borrowed.
• The bride should buy a wedding dress only in the company of his mother or friend.
• Shoes of future bride should be "complete". Exposed toes or heels will bring misfortune.
• The groom can’t see his chosen one dressed in a gown earlier than on the day of wedding.
• Couple shouldn’t try on their wedding rings before – it can bring bad luck.
• Rain during a wedding day is considered to be a prophecy of abundance and wealth. Thunderstorm with the rainbow after it symbolizes good luck.
• Maid of honour should be unmarried.
• On the way to church never turn back.
• On the way to the altar, the bride and groom should be careful to not stumble – it can bring some problems on the new way of life.
• Putting ring on the middle finger (even by mistake) symbolizes betrayal.
• Sensitive kiss after marriage vow symbolizes faithfulness and honesty in new life.
• The first person who wishes couple should be a man - best man.
• Among persons making wishes should be one stranger - it will ensure happiness in marriage.

Cult of the dead

In Romania, death and burial customs reveals a very old vision regarding to communication between living people, dead ancestors and nature. It was found that Romanian funeral traditions are older than other traditions, being preserved since Roman times. In popular belief, the soul continues to live after death. There are customs that are meant to ease the dead to leave this world and to guide its soul to the world of the dead.

Crossing beyond in this world is done by the will of God. This is achieved when priest enters in the house of the deceased, or when the bells are rang in the church. Parting is made easier by the lit candles by all people who come to bid farewell from deceased. There is a belief that the deceased’s soul stays around the house where he lived up to 40 days.

The old people waited their death with resignation as an act of fate, and they used to say “we all owe a death”. Those who were tormented by incurable diseases or those who were powerless, were praying to death to come to take them to no longer burden the people of the house.

In the village elders were preparing their clothes in which they will be buried, usually clothes carefully stowed and they use to say to the close ones to be clothed with them. Some even made their coffin or they were preparing their boards needed to make it. Also, they were trying to put order in the inheritance, they were saying to close ones their wishes regarding to the tomb and funerals. Close ones struggled to fulfil precisely the last wishes of the deceased.

The one who is approaching to death, confess his sins and he commune, and if he is suffering for a long period, he is calling all of his neighbours to apologize and they say to him: “God forgive you and forgive all of us."

Very well-known is the belief that death is predicted by some signs of nature, animals and birds have this power.

In this regard the sing of owl near the house, cuckoo’s singing, cow’s roaring, dog’s howling can predict the death of someone who lives in that house or one of the family’s relatives.

Also dreams can predict death, dreams in which:

• your teeth fall, you are bleeding, and feel sorry for them;
• appear graves, pits, ploughing, landfalls;
• appear black clothes, murky waters, crumbling houses, plums, wild animals;
• horses are coming to you;
• appear black grapes, which symbolize death and that you are crying a lot;
• a dead person is talking to you or calling you. It is a sign of rain, and death.

When a person is about to die people from the house are trying to not shout, to not make noise in order to not wake him up and torment him another day or two. They lit a candle for him and they put it in the right hand or near the head of the one who is about to die.

It is believed that those who die on Easter Day or during the Holy Week are received directly to Heaven without passing the judgment, because in this period the gates of Heaven are open to Christians.

After the person died the grieving family closes the dead man’s eyes and begins the preparations for death watch and funeral. The mirrors are covered or turned with facing to wall, paintings, except the icons, are taken from the walls, doors and windows are kept closed and men walk with bareheaded. The funeral colour is black.

People are announced that someone died by the ringing bell three times per day in the church. For an adult people ring the big bells and small one’s if the person who died is a child.

After the deceased is embalmed, he is dressed in his best clothes and there are not made nodes for his footwear, to not be tied him to this world and be able to pass in the world of dead through the seven customs. Then the deceased is placed in the coffin with folded hands on his chest as in a prayer. In his hand is put a coin to pay the customs.

As long the deceased is in the house it is forbidden to work nothing else than what is needed for funerals.

The death watch usually lasts two nights from nightfall until morning. Those who come to death watch when they enter in the house and say by looking to deceased: "God forgive him" and people present over there say "Let God forgive him" or "God rest his soul". Relatives and friends are headed by the family close to coffin. Women wail and utter formulas in known lyrics or improvise from the elements which are familiar from the relation with the deceased. Once they will not be able to cry, they will begin to tell stories about the deceased.

In the third day after death, usually in the afternoon, it begins the funeral service in the church. There are brought from church: religious flags and candlesticks carried by the one who got along with the family of the deceased. To each candlestick and religious flag are put knot-shaped breads and one handmade towel.

After a short the church service in the house, four people take out the house the coffin with the deceased and they will go to the church. Those who will remain at home will sweep the floors and they will burn the rubbish and dead bed linen in the garden. It’s said that the direction of the smoke shows where death will go

In the yard the priest sings the Lamentations to the deceased, which ends the sermon. At the end people will go to give him the last kiss: they will cross themselves and will kiss the cross from the icon which is placed on the dead man's chest leaving some money.

On the last way that the deceased will make from his home to the church and from the church to the cemetery are 12 stops when priest reads the Gospels. In some villages the stops are made only in intersections, crucifixes and in front of church.

The cross and the icon are taken from the dead man's chest, and the coffin is closed, a dramatic moment in which the most begins to cry. People will begin to bewail the deceased.

After, knot-shaped breads are given with lit candles to illuminate the path of the deceased’s soul to heaven and the soul to pass easier through the seven customs.

After the hole is plugged, the remembrance of the deceased takes place. In this regard priest holds the wafer together with those who are present at funeral or they hold a piece of clothes who touch the wafer and they are praying for forgiveness of the deceased. After prayer people kiss the cross and take a piece of wafer and lit a candle.

After the funeral, relatives and friends of the deceased are invited to the memorial meal, where those present will eat and drink in remembrance of the deceased.

In the traditional village, the entire year is characterized by the customs regarded to ancestor worship. Thus, in addition to the Orthodox Church services at 3 days, 9 days, 6 weeks, 6 months, a year, and every year until the 7th year since death of the beloved one, are also Saturdays, the beginning of the lent and certain holidays when people offer alms and drinking in the memory of the dead.

This meal, like the other meals of the rites of passage, represents a moment of social solidarity of the entire community and mark the ending of a sequence of the ceremonial. The purpose of this meal is the union of survivors against the pain felt by the death of a community member and the sign of continuing individual and collective life. This seems to be obvious when we observe the course of the meal. Began in an atmosphere of solemn sadness, the meal usually ends with joy.

Many years ago, in Poland, the funeral was a little bit different than it’s now.

Currently, there is a funeral mass in the church or chapel, then going with the body of the deceased in the funeral procession to the cemetery and burial.

After funeral, immediate family meet on funeral reception.

Many years ago people believed in the magic of dreams. Death declared its coming into dreams. Family of the deceased or he dreamt about a thief, teeth, swamps or touch the dead person.

It was believed that the death circles around the house for 3 days and it can be seen by the animals. After somebody’s death house had frozen – people didn’t do any household activities. Mirrors were covered and clocks were stopped. The corpse was washes with water and then was clothed in the best outfit.

The soul left man through his mouth and later it flew through the chimney to the Last Judgment.

Many years ago people believed that the soul returns and until the day of funeral looks carefully at the body and the whole situation. People closed eyes of deceased person and put coins on eyelids.

They used to say that if you want to see the soul of the deceased, you should look through the keyhole.

By the time the funeral coffin stood in the house. Family came to deceased as well as friends and enemies – all people who wanted to reconcile with him and forgive all blames. Near the coffin were placed candles, because of that the soul could find the way to heaven. For all-night vigil, were invited singers who decided what prayer or dirge will be sung.

The funeral was held after three days since death. It was important to say goodbye to the deceased (just before closing the coffin) by a kiss usually in the hand or cheek - this rite didn’t apply to pregnant women.

When the coffin was putting out, all chests and rooms were opened to not let the soul of deceased nestle somewhere. When the coffin was putting out people knocked it three times in threshold or lowered it over the threshold, and all the desks and chairs in the house were overturned.

Returning from the funeral people had to be quiet and to not look back.